An Acidic Mess…


Tonight was suppose to be nothing more than another Friday night of my weekly spiritual studies and then, home.
Then I added a small, tiny, minis-cure plan to see my old high school friends who I’ve not seen for 3 years in a local karaoke.
Little did I know that this small encounter would end up as a very spiny, smelly situation…

for internet saftey, I shall refer to the following people I mention in my story as: Xx, Vich, Hulk, J, K, By, Epic, Shack, Step, Dwarf, Invit, Intox, and Winn.

The plan was simple. Pop right in to a group of old friends who’re busy singing their songs and minding their business, then pop right out.
But like any under prepared strategies, everything went south right from the get-go.

I was walking towards the karaoke place with a friend after our weekly spiritual studies ended. Chatting and joking around, we arrived near my destination where we’d split to each of our objectives. Her, waiting until her boyfriend finished work nearby a restaurant within a few hours. Me, quickly seeing my friends and coming to keep her company until her boyfriend finished work.

As I reached downstairs, into the hallway echoing with many mixtures of music from different booths of people singing their songs, I call Invit, to see which room they’re in.
Invit enters the hall quietly enough that anyone from her room didn’t realize she had gone out.

Greeting to me, we head back into the booth where the main group of my old high school buddies are.
And there they were, looking the same as they always had; Xx, Vich, Hulk, K, Epic, Shack, Step, Dwarf, and Invit. They’re all surprised to see me. But not as happy to greet me as Xx who jumps my hails me with a big smile I haven’t seen for 4 years.

Soon enough, Shack throws and mid-air bro fist to show how we remembers our old times but at the same time, stays his distance, fearful of my signature hug.
After greeting a few more people, I join a spot next to Epic who is as chill as always. Smiling that nice smile that’s easy on the eyes, and the body language that welcomes anything you have to say even if he’s not completely listening.

Although the rest of the gang notices my arrival, no one else really get out of their way to welcome me. After all, its been a full 2 and more years since I’ve last seen them. I ask Epic about a couple of others I’ve never seen before, and I’m introduced to J,By, and Intox. With a small greetings that I could voice within the reverberating room of sound, I greet my friend’s friends with a nice smile so we can also be friends.

I end up hitting it off with a couple of the guys there. I say a story, then ask how their doing, and move on to another ear that’s willing to listen.  Repeating this cycle a couple more times and I soon realize I wasn’t going to leave anytime soon.
It was me who didn’t want to move from that spot anytime soon. After all, I simply wanted to stay and enjoy my time with old friends I haven’t seen for a long, long time.

Soon enough, I realize that within the complex rule of no alcohol, my old buddies had brought alcohol.
But I was too eased up from seeing my friends that I, personally thought ‘screw the rules.’
I wanted to enjoy what little time I had here.

Oddly enough, after a unknown amount of time passing by, I hope that everyone knows their limit because I certainly didn’t know theirs. I hoped in the back of my mind that they’re be able to hold their liquor, or at least, stop when need be.

Sadly, that is but a sad tale when you’re surrounded by high sounding friends and loud sounding music. One of us end up slowly but surely sinking to a subtle slumber as the rest of us sing our vocal cords away.

As we reached the near end of our karaoke time limit, one of us start to realize that Intox might actually be very, very intoxicated.
She starts to say she needs to go to the washroom with her head spinning in circles, yet is unable to stand on her own two feet.
The rest of the girls exit our booth to help her out and that’s when shit starts to break out real.

Back and forth conversation between the boys inside the booth and the girls outside the booth manage to deliver the message that Intox is pretty much Blacked Out at this point.
If any of you kiddies aren’t sure what Blacked Out refers to, its when a person drinks so much their mind is no long fully conscious because their capable thoughts has literally blacked out. Incapable of controlling any voluntary or involuntary actions, you’re left with whatever your body reacts to or those around you make you do.

Thankfully I can say that since Intox was surrounded by her friends who actually care for her and aren’t dicks. The girls were doing what they needed to do to help Intox out.

Its at this point we, the boys, realize, ‘oh shoot, we need to start cleaning up since there’s so much alcohol around us, we’re screwed if a staff walks in a discovers this mess!’
Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of ways you can trash alcohol in a small booth that doesn’t have a trash bin.
The main solution to hide the traces of liquid alcohol is to drink it. But due to a series of unfortunate events, the boys are all pretty much full at this point.

So guess who’s actually stuck with clean up duties?
… Yours truly. Myself.
Starting from wiping down the wet table to alcohol stains and chugging the three cans of 2/3 full beers, I try to stay my head despite the many shots of strongs I had before this.

Miraculously, I somehow  clean the table and ground and sofas to the best of my abilities and I tell the boys to grab all the remaining things and dip as a staff enters the booth.
At this point, I think I’m on clear grounds. I don’t recall if I actually did a proper job or if the staff could smell the alcohol but I dipped the heck out of t here.

The boys solved their problems, now the girls needed to finish on what was happening to Intox.

As I exit out of the building, I look for a trash to dump the emptied cans and bottles of alcohol we’ve smuggled out of the complex so that we don’t end up reported.
I end up leaving the bag next to a public bin to end up seeing my sights on a new acquaintance I made today knocked the clear light bulbs out.

J was princess carrying Intox out of the building and he was out of breath from the climb of stairs he had to ascend. Guess who the girls looked at to take over J’s duty?

I carry her out of the building, being careful to not let her choke from:
A) her puke coming out from alcohol intoxication
B) the plastic bag covering her face holding the puke from alcohol intoxication.
And must I say, the smell is something you don’t really want to be continually smelling unless your the one puking.

One way or another, We get her in a semi-prone position to ease her the best we could. I speak to her, knowing she’s half-conscious hoping that she understands what’s going on.

At this point, I remember where I am. I’m in one of the most busiest intersection where any of my fellow nationalities are easily recognized.
Then I see my friend from the weekly studies walking around to see why a group of young adolescence is huddling around a single girl for.

I do what I can and disguise my face to the best of my abilities. I cover my face with what little long hair I have.
Call me stupid (after all the stupid things that happened tonight) but the last thing I need is rumors spreading about me handling a unconscious girl with 8 other guys circulating in my neighborhood.

I asked myself once more at this point;
“How did I end up like this?”
One moment, I was coming to see my old friends for 15 minutes.The next, I’m singing and dancing with them.
Then, I’m chugging and wiping alcohol while cleaning up all the other mess my friends made.
And now, here holding a girl who’s half-conscious puking all the distilled water out from her inside.

. . .

Thankfully, we all end up solving the problem together.
Four of the guys, and a designated driver drives Intox home without disrupting the rest of the household.
Me and the others relax while we wait, contemplating about all that has happened.

But despite all the potential rumors that might spread,
Despite all the acidic smell and water spread on my body,
Despite all the extra unassigned work that I put myself into..

I’d say I had a good time.
Hanging with my old friends and all.


But now that that’s all over and done. I think Ima head for some sleep myself…

Please remember that my blog includes many stories of fiction; do not take any context in any seriousness as I am not liable for any misunderstandings this will cause.

I am a Coward..


Being scared is one thing. Refusing to even imagine the situation simply because I was afraid to hear what he’d say is another.

Today, after coming home from work, I was exhausted. Hungry and the smell from my mother’s rare cooking made me smile as I looked at the exotic shrimp  tempura cracking from the oven. In the hurry to eat, I tried to quickly get change and wash myself… Only to stop dead in my tracks as I heard the door open.

He came home and as I heard his voice echo in the house, my stomach turned, my head ached, my heart turned sour, and my face frowned. I lost my appetite for any food, despite my body aching for some form of nutrition. Turning my back from my closed room door, I sat down on the floor thinking about nothing.

Wasting my time until I started another voice beside my room. I venture out to see who else was home; my brother and his friend were chatting in his room. Somehow their conversation lead to him throwing away trash downstairs. He asked me if I could do it for him, and as always I comply. But as soon as the garbage is handed over to me, my face turns blue. I asked “Is he downstairs?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” my brother replies. I return the garbage to him saying that I can’t go downstairs.Inside my head I didn’t know if it was the matter of refusing to go or physically couldn’t move my body to go. He sighs as he takes the bag downstairs. Standing there beside his friend, I realize I still haven’t ate. I wondered how nice it would be to eat something.

As my brother comes back up, I ask another question, “Is he in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, he is” I somehow say out loud that I won’t eat because he’s in that area. My brother pays me no mind.

Once again I end up wondering about nothing in my room until I hear a certain door close. Then click. It’s the sound where the door gets locked for the rest of the night. It was the same sound where I could venture out my door without the worry of his presence.

Finally down in the kitchen, I look at the half empty dish of the fried shrimp and start to munch on it, only to stop half-way through my bite to contemplate why this was so hard to do an hour ago..
‘Why was it so hard to simply face him?’ It vexed me of how irrational my actions are and how embarrassing my attitude is towards a member of my family.

Was it because I was conditioned to fear and obey him since I was young?
Was it because I was hammered down each time I tried to stand up for myself?
Was it because no matter what I said, he would always find something else to say against it?

To escape a uncomfortable situation, a person can always walk away from it. That’s what we’ve been taught since childhood. The simple instinctive mindset of ‘fight or flight’ is applied to a majority of our lives. But when you start losing all the fights, and your caught everything you take flight, what do you do?

To those who’ve been pushed down this far, they simply cease to care. We’ve reached a low in our lives where the situation that once broke us down no longer breaks us down; not because we’ve braved it out and learned to overcome it.
It no longer breaks us because we ignore it altogether, forget about its existence, and learn to cope with living with something you’ll ignore while in its presence.

And that’s why I’m scared. Because he is a presence that will shine its’ existence in my face again and again. It is due to this fact that I’ve taken every opportunity to avoid any sort of confrontation from happening.

But this is degenerating. Like a parasite, this fear and ignorance of trying to ignore these presence is not only unhealthy, but a downward spiral wrong. You start to ignore your own well-being. You often have negative thoughts, you slowly being satirical of yourself and those around you. And worse of all, you start to lie.

Lying. I hate it. There is a saying I say to everyone I know regarding lying.
“It’s fine to lie to others but never lie to yourself.”
Because once you start to lie to yourself, you lose your truth. Unable to face the truth. Lose the value of truth. And finally, unable to handle the truth.

. . .

My stomach was filled at this point. But it now hurt. I felt this emotion before.
I feel it every time I know what I’m doing to myself. It’s there every time I try to think twice about feigning in-existence.

The most painless thing I’ll admit about myself before anything is that I am a hypocrite. Personally, I find it that once you cease to break down from the things that once broke you down are the things that make you feel better now.

My apologies, that didn’t make any sense in context. Allow me to break my own thoughts down for proper reference.

The harm, the outside negativity, and the pain; they’re no longer painful to me because I no longer care about the things that are being harmed or are pained. But rather, the things that try to heal these scars are the things that hurt the most because you’ll be forced to face all the things you’ve ever ran away from.

You regret. Start thinking back at what you could’ve been. And unless you’re in a situation where you are forced to ignore these thoughts because of duty or other priorities, your heart will cry because you’re not used to coping with these emotions.



I am a coward.
I am a coward because I now no longer choose to fight.
I am a coward because I will run away before the situation will even have a chance to introduce itself.
I am a coward because I continue to lie, not only to those around me but to my own self.
I am a coward because I refuse to move forward.
I am a coward because despite knowing all this, I am still repeating this series of action.
I am a coward because I am a hypocrite.

Tomorrow, is his birthday. But I lied saying I have work in order to excuse myself from a family birthday dinner. For that, I am ashamed.

Dear heavenly Father, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come, your will be down, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this daily bread and forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever.

July 29, 2016
future me, i hope you’re not a coward.